Memes, Streams, And Everything In Between: The Definitive “Old Town Road” Power Rankings
This morning, Lil Nas X dropped his fifth-version of his genre-bending, culture-enthralling, instant-classic. Therefore, we decided to take a stand on the matter and do what we as humans do best: subjectively rate things
After a kitchen sink’s worth of jokes about “Old Town Road” and the seemingly-infinite amount of remixes we should be expecting from the genre-destroying Lil Nas X, the artist released…another remix.
Kim Nam-joon, better known as RM, is a rapper and songwriter, as well as the de facto leader of the South Korean group known as BTS. For those unfamiliar, the style of BTS — often referred to as “K-pop” — has exploded in recent years. The group has over 35 million combined followers on Instagram and Twitter, so for that alone, a partnership with meme lord Lil Nas X makes sense from a hype perspective.
With that being said, the release of “Seoul Town Road” this morning meant one thing: all bets are off. For all we know, Lil Nas X legitimately has hundreds of remixes stored in the closet, simply waiting to drop ’em and control the Internet for entire days at a time. Hell, even Spotify got in on the joke in announcing today’s tune:
At the rate Lil Nas X is going, we can’t even hope to keep up with the burgeoning slate of remixes. What we can do, however, is take a stand in an effort to index what we’ve been delivered thus far at this moment in time.
Will it be outdated by the end of next week when he drops the next track, the one featuring Lil Dicky, the Queen of England, and Thomas the Tank Engine? Yeah, probably. Regardless, the Unplugg’d Staff has convened and voted. Here are your Definitive Old Town Road Power Rankings.
№1: The Original…Billy Ray Cyrus Remix
Bryce Phillips: The remix that inspired a generation clocks in at Number One on our rankings. That is, until Gordon Ramsey brings his fire in the Old Town Road (Hell’s Kitchen Remix).
Every logical person knows the sequel is better than the original. The Dark Knight, Mad Max: The Road Warrior, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen… okay, scratch that third one, but like Meat Loaf says, “two out of three ain’t bad.” While the O.G. version will always have it’s grassroots charm, the addition of Billy Ray Cyrus gave “Old Town Road” a glo up akin to Magikarp evolving to Gyarados. Conspiracy theorists may say this was an attempt to spite the evil musical corporations and their traditionalist views on genres, but Lil Nas X clearly just wanted to help his idol Billy Ray get over his Achy Breaky Heart.
The two’s chemistry is palpable throughout the two-minute romp, and when it comes on, it’s hard not to smile, bob your head, and do a dance that would embarrass anyone remotely close to you. The duo’s budding relationship (as documented on Twitter, press junkets, and live performances) can’t leave me as the only person clamoring for a Lil Nas X/Billy Ray Cyrus buddy cop film franchise. Picture it: a rhinestone-laden pair, going around the fictional world of Old Town Road, doing “what they have to do” to stop the villians that the law can’t. Give me a cheesy tagline (“The law can’t exist outside of itself, but outlaws can”), Taika Waititi directing, a CGI Squidward “big baddie,” and a never ending line of cameos…and I’ll be right outside Wal-Mart at midnight, scrapping in line to buy the “Outlawed Outlaws: 1–15 Complete Franchise Collection 4KSuperUltraHDBluRay” box set 20 years from now.
№2: Young Thug and Mason Ramsey Join the Party
Nathan Graber-Lipperman: A blurb on this one? I’ll raise you an entire article!
Let’s start with Mason Ramsey, the subject of the piece I linked above. Country’s Justin Bieber is on his way to establishing himself as a true tour de force in the music industry; he’s just got that “twang,” man! And while the Walmart Yodeling Kid video was the source of his initial rise into the cultural consciousness, one verse cemented his place as an Internet legend who’s here to stay.
“Aye-o, aye-o, yippee-o ki-yay / If you ain’t got no giddy up then giddy out my way.”
On to the other feature, this one from Young Thug. While his verse leaves a lot to be desired — “Country money, I don’t gotta do no chores / I’m a menace, I got women tryna sneak me through their doors” ain’t exactly Shakespeare — his ad libs alone more than make up for it. Similar to Lil Nas X, Thugger is from Atlanta, meaning he’s got enough cowboy in him to muster a fire “Yeehaw” that bookends the beginning and end of the track.
To top it all off, Lil Nas X dropped not just one but two separate music videos for this mix, including this hilarious one where the crew joins forces with John Wick to storm Area 51. It may not be enough to steal the top spot from the original Billy Ray Cyrus remix, but this one absolutely had enough legs to stand on its own, both as a meme and a song.
№3: The True O.G.
We didn’t link this one because, well, let’s be real. You’ve heard it.
BP: Each year, I ask every member on the 8th Grade Baseball Team I coach to submit one song each so I can compile a batting practice and pre-game playlist. You know, so I do not have to hear their voices.
Most of the time, they whine when I tell them I cannot include their pick, since the likes of NLE Choppa and Ski Mask The Slump God are not big on releasing edited music. Unfortunately, if they can’t hear my life lesson — about maintaining yourself to a higher standard while in the public eye — over their tears, well, their loss.
This year, though, my mind was unexpectedly blown when “Old Town Road” first came across their suggestions. Save for innocent mentions of “lean,” boobies, and a Wrangler-laden booty, a song that both appeals to the masses and the brain of a 13-year-old boy arose from the SoundCloud rap ashes like a phoenix. The monster that created it all caught fire like your 99 overall MyPlayer using the brand-new “Takeover” feature in 2K.
Featured in everything from walk-up songs for athletes and today’s meme-culture playground, the OG version that inspired the movement looks like this year’s Oakland A’s. Good enough to win a Wild Card slot, but not enough juice to take the title when it counts.
№4: Come Fly Over to the Seoul Town Road!
NGL: In my humble opinion, the only thing holding this one back is recency bias and some remix fatigue.
Yeah, it dropped just this morning, but c’mon — he thing is absolute fuego from the top-down. Lil Nas X proves that he might just be the G.M.L.O.A.T. (Greatest Meme Lord of all Time) in the title of this mix alone. I also love the fact that with RM providing the intro vocals on this one, they actually changed the lyrics to “Seoul town road.”
Seriously. Check Genius.
Also, when you take a look at RM’s verse, the beauty of the modern Internet landscape dawns on you. I mean, this is a dude that grew up in an entirely different side of the globe, and yet he understands meme culture as good as anyone!
Those homis RM has riding in the back? No, not homies — homis. Quartz recently proclaimed the traditional Korean hand hoe as “spring’s hottest gardening tool.” RM literally spends his entire verse rapping about harvesting corn…and it’s still fire anyway.
Seoul Town Road may be a little short, but I think when we look back on 2019 and this Lil Nas X-plosion of remixes, this one might find itself closer to the front than the homis in the back.
№5: The Diplo Remix (Otherwise Known as the One We Forget About)
BP: Hopefully Diplo’s placement in our rankings does not incite the armies of the Electric Forest to unite behind their king Deamau5 and storm the Unplugg’d Castle like Malcom bringing Birnam Wood (and death) to Macbeth’s door.
Look, I like a good beat drop as much as the next human, but this version did nothing for me. My Electronic catalogue is limited to Die Antwoord, 3OH!3 nostalgia, and songs that girls I found attractive in college liked, but I thought the genre was supposed to be exciting?
This remix packs less of a punch than early 2000’s Billy Ray Cyrus (you know, when he was Hannah Montana’s dad and not the genre-bending comeback king we are currently being graced with). For the better part of 3 minutes, you are left waiting for something big to happen and then the track ends. I could follow that line up with a joke about my life in the confines of my bedroom, but I am a writer and educator so I have to keep my material out of the gutter.
I am not one for heady metaphors, but my status as a teacher contractually forces me to care about them. Therefore, some nihilists might say the Diplo remix could be a perfect metaphor for…life.
What do you think about our rankings? Any one remix too high? Too low? Let us know in the comment section below (and maybe even fire off an angry retort on Twitter here!)
