What I Want
Starting April 6, for the next 30 days, I’m writing a brief essay every day and posting it to my Medium account in an effort to get off social media and focus on doing something good for me, both personally and professionally. To read my last essay, click here.
I started doing an exercise a couple months ago after receiving advice from a professor. About three times a week, I open up a new page in my Notion journal with a simple title: “What I Want.”
The reason he recommended this exercise is because oftentimes, we have so many thoughts running around in our heads that it gets impossible to track the changes (see: my essay titled “All Over the Place”). At first, when I started committing to the practice — usually coming in intermittent spurts of energy — I scoffed at the thought that I would figure out much about myself and my desires. I’ve known what I want to do and how I want to spend the next several years of my life for a while now, I told myself.
It turns out, this exercise confirmed the exact opposite: I have no idea what I want. And that’s okay.
I’ve taken a lot of personality tests over the last couple of years, and I’ve always felt pride in knowing that I often score high in implementation, meaning I’m someone who knows how to pitch an idea and subsequently follows through to get it done. Nonetheless, there’s also been something else present that I’ve never fully acknowledged: my simultaneously-high quick-start gene, meaning I have the propensity to constantly generate new ideas and iterate on the fly.
Nowhere has this been more present than in my “What I Want” journal entries. Here’s a quick glimpse on the vastly different things I’ve written, mainly on a whim:
- WIW #10 (March 25) — I want to invest my time and energy into a “world-building” agency, which would theoretically “create merchandise, special websites, tell your story through audiovisual means, drop new products, get you PR, and create popups and events” for creators in an effort to better welcome in their fans by assembling a world around their brand.
- WIW #8 (March 15) — Keep an orderly room, get in peak shape to close out my ultimate career, go all-in on a nutrition plan (maybe go full Vegan?), travel, and take a job with a nearby startup while continuing to develop passion projects on the side.
- WIW #4 (March 2) — Create a bomb-ass newsletter, translate my essays into Twitter posts and focus on building a LinkedIn following, make big bets on myself that lead to $100k revenue by the end of 2021 through YouTube, a premium subscription of some sort, and hella collabs.
- WIW #1 (February 23) — I want to work in an environment where I’m constantly pushing myself to learn, work with a sprinter’s mindset, and become a fixture in the world of media, streetwear, and startups.
Even today, I was looking into completing a course certificate in better learning UX and UI due to its current demand in the marketplace.
If you asked 18-year-old me what I wanted, it’d probably be along the lines of I want to write and podcast and film and screen-print t-shirts and toss frisbees and collect sneakers and bowl a 300 and watch movies with friends. For some, it may read as a lot, but for any modern creator, you know that it oftentimes feels impossible to label ourselves and limit our endeavors to just one thing.
Things have gotten a little bit more complex over the years: relationships, mental and physical health, having to pay rent, this fucking pandemic. By doing this exercise, I’ve been able to chart how those complexities have altered my state of mind while acknowledging that I haven’t figured everything out yet at 22…and I’m okay with that.
More so, it’s about piecing the thread that connects all my wants, needs, and desires together in order to figure out what the best opportunities are for me moving forward.
You can follow along with my 30-day writing project right here on Medium, as well as subscribe to my weekly newsletter on Substack here.a